According to research, the transition from relationship to marriage often involves a period of sharing a household. More than half (58 percent) of women between the ages of 19 and 44 who marry for the first time have lived with their husbands before marriage. Millennials are especially more likely to live with their partners before marriage, more than any other generation. These stats, however, doesn’t mean that if you want to combine two households you will actually live happily ever after. Likewise. So let’s see what is it you can do, to move in – and live – without (major) stress.
Why do people want to combine two households in the first place?
It’s easy to see why couples start living together and decide to combine two households. Living together means spending more time together… Not to mention that sharing the costs of rent and billing is a nice way to save money. But the same home address also increases the stake in the relationship. One partner may have more items than the other and it may result in renting affordable storage Astoria – but who gets to choose what’s in and what’s out?
When people do not have the same attitude about moving in together, problems can arise. Is motive a pure convenience, or a step towards marriage? Who pays the bills? And why don’t you ever wash the dishes?! These are mostly your plates! It is imperative that couples understand the financial, legal, and emotional risks when they decide to move in together. You may feel like you need all the help from any love, sex and money experts to tell you what people need to keep in mind before they decide to combine two households.
You cannot plan everything
When you combine two households, start doing things together, such as paying bills, open a joint account just to pay for your home expenses. Make a common budget for groceries, ordering food, sharing a gym membership, and even traveling together. This is a great way to gain experience working together with money. But you cannot plan everything. So pay attention to any warning signs. Understand that you are still just having fun. You are not obligated to live together.
As you combine households, think about does this works for you or not? Do you need to sort out some things, or there are there major issues to discuss? How will you move in the first place? Which things are more important? Maybe you both put things in storage, and now you have to pay a monthly rate. Which is the best – and cheapest – long-term storage NYC? You have to get to know your partner’s habits, his good days, his bad days, his disappointments, and even how he endures when he is ill. Nowadays, the divorce rate is over 50 percent. Life is simply unpredictable.
How to argue
The biggest mistake people make is that they believe that a shaky relationship will improve when the couple starts living together. Many couples think that the strength of their love and mutual attraction is enough to overcome any obstacles or difficulties they may encounter. Keeping your emotional connection active is essential to achieving pleasure. Most couples have to learn to argue more effectively. When one insists on being right, intimacy decreases. Before merging two households, it’s imperative to seriously consider how much your moral values fit in.
How to handle money
You will fight. You will dig up the unbearable flaws of your partner that you never knew existed before. And yes, sometimes about money. These are not always things you want to argue about. But you can be careful not to assume, and to instead talk openly. For example, how do you pay rent? One of you may think that you will pay it 50/50 and the other may assume that you will determine it proportionally, by how much you earn.
What if you want to buy real estate? Will you open a joint bank account, or will one of you be responsible for paying the bill each month? Will you be meeting once a month to discuss your home expenses? Do you divide everything into exactly equal parts, regardless of income and credit? These are all questions that you need to answer before you sign a lease agreement.
How to give each other space
The fact that you started living together does not mean that you are handcuffed to one another. Maybe you informed all others about your residential relocation – but you are not a joint entity. You will both need space and time for yourself. It can be space, literally – going out alone with friends – or a metaphorical space, that you can do something for yourself without disturbance. Setting aside time to sustain your individual lives and interests is crucial. This is not only for the feeling of having a life outside of your relationship, but also not to get caught up in just one person’s issues which can exhaust or frustrate you.
The key to maintaining a passion in a long-term relationship, whether you live together or not, whether you are married, have children, and so on, is this: treat each other and your relationship as a separate entity into which you have both invested. Make a schedule for date nights, make sure you flirt with each other as you did at the beginning. Don’t take anything for granted. Yes, you need to be comfortable in your skin, but always keep in mind that that other person is your partner, not your parent or part of you.
In the end, there is no ultimate key to combine two households without stress, but you will learn along the way. Be patient with both yourself and your partner. Good luck!